When problems become lifegiving

Not long ago, talking to a good friend, I expressed some concerns about a range of difficulties, which had unexpectedly arisen in my workplace. Such problems tend to make one tense and threaten to dampen one’s enthusiasm. The friend then reminded me of an important distinction, which not only gave a new perspective on the particular challenges, but also helped me to deal with them more positively and constructively

Looking intently at me as I was telling him what we were encountering, his response was unexpected:” these are good problems”, he said, “because they are problems of life”. He went on to explain that one can encounter two kinds of problems – those that signal life and those that signal demise and death. The “problems of life” are so named because, although they may appear as obstacles, which seem to block our way and undermine our faith, they actually arise from the fact that things are developing, that there is new life; such difficulties turn out to be hidden doors which eventually open up to new, liberating discoveries. In short, they are problems, which carry the seeds of fresh life and opportunity.

In contrast, the “problems of death” are so named because they signal doom and destruction. These are difficulties that we experience as dark forces, which sweep us along in their strong current - Like an unhealthy addiction that can get the better of us and gradually wear away the core of our humanity.

Reflecting on my friend’s words, it dawned on me that very many things, which seem to be insurmountable problems, have the potential to become life giving – depending on how we view them and engage with them. In fact, to see properly, to gain the right perspective, is often the key to transforming our problems into life giving forces.

In his book on the contribution of the Mystics in our age, Frank Tuoti has a wonderful chapter titled “The Gifts of Night” in which he describes what happens when this gift of knowledge, this right perspective is given. He articulates it metaphorically as an experience in which our spiritual taste buds are purified. Then “the problems that once almost totally absorbed us no longer usurp our time, for we have discovered that most of these problems either take care of themselves or were never really substantial problems to begin with”.

Relating this to the suggestion of my friend, problems that seem to wear us down can be transformed, can become avenues to new life, pure gifts of the night – what is given in darkness, can become the harbinger of dawn. Lent is the ideal time to discover again this profound truth, and to keep remembering that Jesus endured the cross…for what?...for the sake of the joy that lay ahead of him (Hebrew 12:2) .

Carel Anthonissen

Do not abandon me

When I was a child, and growing up in Montagu in the Cape, the Dutch Reformed Church of which we were members, had a custom which I have seen nowhere since. On Mother’s Day the children in the Sunday School were each given a celluloid (no plastic then) rosette to wear – blue if both your parents were still alive, purple if a mother or father was no more, black if you were an orphan. It sounds macabre now, even cruel, but it brought the minister’s homily home to us, left (for me, at least) a lasting impression : Plant flowers now, he pleaded, on your parents’ hearts – do not wait to put flowers on their grave….

This past week both a beloved sister and a young friend passed away. I felt surrounded by death, and as so often before, turned to the psalms for comfort. I would like to share some of the verses with you, using The Good News Bible, the translation being closer to the Afrikaans, which I know so well.

I was daunted, as always, by the reality of Psalm 90, particularly verse 5 : You carry us away like a flood ; we last no longer than a dream. How short life is, and how quickly it passes.

I was deeply moved, as always, by Psalm 116 : 15 How painful it is to the Lord when one of his people dies ! Knowing that God shares in our grief is comfort indeed.

But I was reprimanded, albeit it indirectly, by an old person’s prayer, Psalm 71 : 9 Do not reject me now that I am old ; do not abandon me now that I am feeble.

God never rejects us, He never abandons us. But can the same be said of us, of his servants, those who follow Him in the Name of Christ ?

How many old people live and die alone, in old age homes, in hospitals, with only the hands of strangers for comfort. How many people die without ever being told that they were beautiful or good or wanted or loved.

Whatever the colour of the rosette you are wearing today, plant flowers on the heart instead of on the grave.

Cecile Cilliers

My birthday is coming soon

In Rom 12:3 Paul implores the believers in Rome not to be conceited nor to think too highly of themselves. In doing this he warns them against one of the oldest sins in the book, the so called “hubris” (pride), or what the church fathers named “superbia” - that is the very human inclination to see yourself as bigger and stronger and more important than you really are or ought to be; to be overly boastful and proud, to glory in your own gifts, achievements, contacts…and in the process look down upon others, think yourself better, smarter, more glamorous and even more pious and godly than they are. We all know how subtle and sweet this allurement of the “hubris” can be.

There is however another kind of sin, a perhaps more subtle temptation for the believers and that is that they think too little of themselves. This, in the words of Jesus, refers to an inclination to hide our light under the proverbial bushel, to live a life of constant apology - as if we have no inner dignity, possess no special quality or presence, don’t really belong where the others are. In fact, in “Eternal Echoes” John O’Donohue reminds us “the Western tradition of sinfulness and selfishness has trapped many people all their lives in a false inner civil war. Fearful of vaulting themselves in any way, they have shunned their own light and mystery”.

It is because so many Christians fall into this trap of playing too small, of embracing a false humility, that in Romans 12 Paul reminds them of their special gifts and their part in the body of Christ. He emphasises that although they should be modest, it has to be in accordance with the faith (and dignity) that God has given them (v 3). And he reminds them that this should be shared with others (v 10,13)

My wife has a younger colleague who understands this well. She is not overly confident, but she is aware that she is intelligent, charming, gifted and special – she also has a special sense of humour and sensitivity to false or sincere social positioning. One of her very endearing habits is to remind her colleagues and friends when her birthday is coming up. A month before the special day she writes it in glowing colours on the whiteboard in the staff room: “Remember, 25 days to L’s birthday!” And then, almost like with the upcoming worldcup soccer, she counts down the days: ”24, 23, 22, 21, etc.days to go”…until the big day when there are cakes and candles!

Many may find such an exuberant announcement of one’s own birthday rather awkward. But this friend has a different perspective: she enjoys the celebration of her birthday, and says if you do not tell people, they will not know – and mostly feel bad afterwards if they forgot or missed it! This shows the beauty and freedom of dignity, of a person who knows that she is somebody special and does not hesitate to claim and share it. As O’Donohue puts it: “When you have a worthy sense of yourself, this communicates itself in your physical presence and personality”.

So how about claiming your birthright and reminding us when your birthday is due, so that we can share in another happy return!

Carel Anthonissen

The virtue of one thing only

A while ago my computer started playing up. It froze on certain programmes and despite my best efforts, it refused to open and allow me access. What a frustration! It almost felt as if I was dealing with a stubborn child who, without good reason, had withdrawn, shut himself off and become totally unresponsive.

Being no more than semi-computer literate, I followed the regular pattern of my generation: I called in my son – who was not particularly patient with his dad. After running through all the standard procedures to get the computer started he eventually also gave up. His final verdict was: “Your computer is full of junk, dad. It has seized. It is overloaded. You need to organise and manage your programmes better”.

Next step was off to the dealer who confirmed the problem. In fact, according to him my hard drive had given in and I was in danger of losing all my vital information. What a shock, what anxiety at the prospect of losing years’ worth of precious work: sermons, talks, letters, courses, poems, prayers and promises … the whole anthology of creative effort that I had collected, produced, stored quite diligently over many years - all gone in a moment!

I was obliged to consider my son’s opinion on the state of my hard drive. And, drawing comparisons in my usual way, it had to cross my mind that there is a parallel between the human mind, our own psyche in fact, and these modern information systems. Even if not in the same mechanical way, our mental awareness is vulnerable to becoming disorganised, cluttered and overloaded, sometimes to a point where it can also freeze, pack up, call it a day. With increasing demands and pressures, the exhausting claims and responsibilities of modern society, it is no surprise that many suffer from burnout, depression and anxiety.

As with my computer, banal as the comparison may be, many people today reach a point where everything has just become too much – and so they start to seize, becoming passive and negative. Eventually they lose their energy and perspective, they give up on life, shut down. This often starts with feelings of exhaustion and anxiety, a marked sense of irritation. These are the vital signs, the warning lights that our system has become overloaded, that it is in danger of giving in and shutting down.

It is not always easy to regain your calm and restore a healthy perspective once you have become trapped in this deadly cycle of ongoing work and pressure. One needs to stop and take stock; remember what is of real value, focus on those things that we know are reliable. Being concerned, distracted by many things is not a new or modern problem. In Matt 6:33-34, Jesus urges his followers to turn their attention to the one thing that really matters and will make a difference – “Set your mind on God’s kingdom and his justice before anything else, and all the rest will come to you as well. So do not be anxious about tomorrow, tomorrow will look after itself”.

Is this not also what Martha, overstressed by so many duties and obligations, had to learn.
“Martha, Martha you are fretting and fussing about so many things; but one thing is necessary” (Lk 11:41).

Carel Anthonissen

When brothers live together in unity

It is impossible to declare any one psalm more beautiful or more meaningful than another, but personally I have always had a great affection for Psalm 133: A song of ascents. Of David.

I’m not sure why it holds such appeal for me. Perhaps it is because of the lilting rhythms, the poetic repetition of certain phrases. Or perhaps it’s the sheer abundance of it – precious oil poured on the head of Aaron and overflowing like David’s cup in Psalm 23.

But most probably it is because we live in a world which is supposed to have become a global village, and yet neighbours are drifting further and further apart ; there is rancour among nations. Under such circumstances Psalm 133 provides a beautiful alternative.

As does the story of the two brothers in Korea . You may have heard it before, but I think it is worth the retelling.

Two brothers tended their rice fields together. After a very good year, the elder brother had gathered 68 bags of rice, the younger 62 – enough for the two families to live well during the winter.

One evening, the rice safely stored, the elder brother’s wife said : You know, Husband, your brother has five children, we have none. Will you not in the dark of night, take a bag of rice and add it to your brother’s store? The elder brother agreed happily, and that night he took a bag of rice and put it with his brother’s crop.

The following morning however, his wife chided him : Husband, you must have forgotten to take the rice to your brother, for there are still 68 bags of rice in our store…

The elder brother could not understand it. Had he dreamt taking the rice next door? So that night he went out again, putting the extra bag of rice in his brother’s storeroom. And yet again 68 bags of rice remained when they counted the following morning.

In the house next door, the young wife had said to her husband : We have been blessed this year; our house, Husband, is full of joy. Your brother has no children, but their house needs a new roof, which is very expensive. Will you not take one of our bags of rice tonight and secretly put it in his store? The younger brother gladly followed her advice, but when they counted their rice the following morning, there were still 62 bags, as before.

The brothers were mystified, but the solution came when the two brothers, each carrying a bag of rice on his back, met in the field between the two houses, and realised the love they had for one another : Love your neighbour, said Christ, like yourself.

How good, how pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity ! For there the Lord bestows his blessing.

Cecile Cilliers

It is as simple as that

One of the most common ways of avoiding one’s responsibility in a given situation is to rationalise - that is, to introduce false arguments that obscure the really important considerations; or it is to shift the blame, the burden of responsibility to other people or to circumstances over which one could have no control. Often people will argue that the issue at stake is much more complex and intricate than it seems. In this way the truth can be compromised and even denied. Bad things are made to look good, and good things are made to look naive and unachievable.

How easily this can happen and how our society has grown to tolerate such approaches to what I would like to call ‘respectful falsehoods’, was illustrated to me during the recent cricket tour of England to South Africa. During one of the tests one of South Africa’s key batsmen touched the ball and was caught out … but then was given not out, because the umpires on the field had not seen it, nor heard the sound of the bat on the ball. The microphones that were supposed to help the third umpire make a final decision were turned off when that judgement had to be made. Thus the third umpire also heard nothing - and so his decision was similarly “not out”! Of course this dismayed the English players who all had heard the sound of bat on ball and were convinced that the batsman was out and should go.

Afterwards there was an extended, sometimes heated, discussion on this controversial incident. The debate focused largely on the difficulty of being an umpire, on the technological limitations of a still developing system of televised assistance, and then of course on the dilemma of the poor batsman who had to wait in uncertainty for the decision, perhaps knowing that his future career could depend on this outcome. What struck me was that very few commentators even mentioned, let alone called on, the batsman’s own honesty and responsibility in these circumstances. However, there was one exception. An older former West Indian bowler who was here as a commentator, was quite outspoken. For me that was like a breath of fresh air, a testimony to the kind of integrity that we are desperately looking for in our society.

According to him every batsman knows instantly, when they have touched the ball. What is more, earlier on, before the technology of third umpires, it was customary – in fact, a matter of honour – for the batsman to turn and walk if he had been dismissed in such a way. In doing so they not only demonstrated their honesty, but also gained respect. Opponents, fellow players and onlookers applauded such conduct, and the umpire who was helped in his decision expected no less.

Listening to his arguments there were several oohs and ahs from his fellow commentators, most of then reminding him that the game has changed, that things are not that simple and that the onus of decisionmaking has shifted. When in such circumstances some walk and some stay, it is best to leave it to the umpires who now have the additional support of technology.

The West Indian commentator and former bowler remained insistent: “No, it is as simple as that. Because in the end it is about honesty, integrity, justice and truth. Just think what will happen when doctors and nurses, engineers and attorneys should start arguing and acting like this, not taking responsibility for their deeds and shifting it to others, especially when they have made a mistake. It will be disastrous.

Perhaps cricket is not that serious; perhaps it is just a game – a rather competitive one, but nevertheless. Well, I would say “even so”. A game does sometimes open a small window on life and on the values that people live by. Sport icons, like leaders elsewhere, can set the tone. That is why one sometimes wants to cry out: “No, not like this! Your arguments may look or sound sensible, but in essence they are a bluff”.

Carel Anthonissen

On the ghosts of anxiety

For me a very consoling part of the sermon on the mount remains Jesus’ speech in Matt 6: 22-34 on our daily worries and how we are supposed to deal with them.

We all know such worries and anxieties all too well – those irrational thoughts and fears, which often disturb and wake us at night, leaving us in a cold sweat or with a knot in the stomach…because we worry and agonise about so many things – unresolved conflict, concerns about the future, the long list of “to-do” things, bills that need to be paid, outstanding tax forms, even putting out the garbage and watering the plants!

At the beginning of the year, many people are plagued by feelings of anxiety about things that need to be started up and put in place. Seemingly trivial matters can, as we all know, make life really unpleasant, if not outrightly miserable, robbing us of our peace of mind and even of our hopeful prospects. When anxiety enters, our inner tranquility and often our much needed rest departs, and may even be destroyed. Then the mind wakes up with all kinds of irrational thoughts, fears and images. People who suffer from anxiety, often have limited control over it: they lose their calm, their bodies become tense, they feel overwhelmed and paralyzed, unable to pray or view things positively. The world suddenly seems a dark and unfriendly place, the way ahead untraversable, impossible, almost like an insurmountable mountain.

How does one deal with these daily worries, the ghosts that feed our anxiety?
According to Jesus most of our worries or feelings of anxiety are directly related to our daily concerns about physical and material sustenance, our economic and social security.

Of course, such concerns are not unimportant. Jesus does not suggest that we should be indifferent or careless regarding our health or the material and physical provision for ourselves, our family and others. But according to Matt 6, if we exclusively and constantly focus on these concerns, our vision may become blurred, murky, skewed (v 22-23); then our anxieties multiply and we become more vulnerable to disappointment and disaster than we need to be (v 19-21). Therefore, so Jesus reminds us, there should be a deeper concern in our lives, a greater worry, a higher priority – one to which we should constantly turn and return with more dedicated focus. Our attention should be directed towards what Jesus calls the kingdom of God.

This phrase may sound rather abstract, removed from our daily toils and nightly restlessness. But taken seriously, the kingdom of God in the long run generates a totally new and liberating perspective on life, a hopeful way ahead. To focus on God’s kingdom is to keep remembering and trusting that there is a God in heaven who knows us and who cares, a God to whom we may and also should call and pray daily, continuously. This God is one who today is still at work in history and has promised to answer us in some way, sooner or later – although we know, it does sometimes take a while.

In the past week I was myself put to shame in that my preoccupation with my own daunting responsibilities was met with an unexpected gift. I had become a bit overwhelmed, worrying about how we would manage all the different projects that the Centre has embarked on. It took so much of my energy and attention that I fretted like one without faith, with little trust even in prayer. And then unexpectedly, we received an answer in concrete, material terms. At times that is how it happens, some little sign is given, reminding us how important it is to keep the balance, to keep our attention in the right place. What a relief. What grace!

Carel Anthonissen